Blog Muse

IGUANA DON GONE

2007-06-10T11:47:00.000-07:00

ALAS, I am vindicated; SC finally saw the Iguana Don and my very own little Elliot Ness captured and deported him. SC is my hero. His next project is to finally find out how these prehistoic creatures are entering our abode.

While I am basking in the knowledge that the house is again dragon free, I am not resting on my laurels. I know at any moment a long lost relative of our former unwanted guests could visit, sending me into a tizzy...for now though I can return to my domestic duties (wait a minute).

IQUANA DON REVISITED

2007-06-09T14:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been almost 2 years and I thought we had seen the last of Iguana Don especially since we found his cold, dead, petrified body behind the sewing machine....WELLLLLL I see he sent word before he died because today his cousin from the old country showed up in the laundry room, with luggage. I proptly called SC and told him we were moving, I left a voice mail anyway. He has not called me back. He must think I am joking.

Since today is Saturday it is laundry day, what do you suppose are the chances I am setting foot in the laundry room EVER again. If your guess was FREAKING NEVER you would be close. This opens a whole realm of problems...no clean clothes, no food, as the pantry is also out there, OH and I can never take another shower since the master bathroom is also through the laundry room. On the upside I suppose I will lose weight so I can buy new clothes.....they will go to the laundry mat.

IGUANA "DON" DAY 2

2005-08-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

After a fitfull nights sleep (I was sure Iguana Don was in the bedroom) ( I slept with a flashlight just in case I had to get up and go to the bathroom) I get up and get ready for work. At least I won't be home with that THING. .......

Now picture this...I have been at work all day, I pick up the little man and we head home. It is 9000 degrees outside and the air in the Honda does not work. When I arrive home I head for the bedroom and strip down to my unmentionables (I keep bottoms only) and slip into the bathroom to use the facilities and "don" my tshirt. I have just seated myself an what do I see staring at me from the wall above the towel rack??? Can't guess......The *$#%**## Iguana Don. Now my options are limited seeing as how I am mid......well you can guess. My mind begins to race.....who am I willing to let see me in this position in order to get Iguana Don.....anyone.....thats right I don't care who sees me. I first contemplate calling the Niceville police department, but dismiis that idea...no phone and I suppose that is really not their job. Second, I wonder which one of my neighbors is home...I dismiss that idea too. Still frozen in fear and disgust I begin to call for the preteen....I don't want to shout as I fear it will make Iguana Don attack. (No I am not rational, I am on the pot staring at a Komodo dragon) Preteen finally hears me and I tell him to come in slowly and quietly. His first words upon sight of Iguana Don are "Cool, can I keep him?" " *%&$&# no you can't keep him...... " I tell him go call your father...yes I know we have been down this primrose path before.....and yes the answer is pretty much the same. But he did suggest that preteen capture it...... I don't think this is a good idea....preteen has been known to be ummmmm squeamish. Alas what choice do I have. I stand...v e r y s l o w l y, reclaim my unmentionables.... mentally toss a coin stay in small bathroom with a gargantuan lizard or slink past him to safety....I opted for slink.

In the meantime Sir Galahad (the preteen) has a bucket and a lid and plans to do battle with Iguana Don.... (scuffle, scuffle) (crash) small cry of alarm. I gather all my courage (I don't have much) and go into the laundry room (right outside of the bathroom) and ask "did you get him?" .......NO....the "Teflon Don" has again slipped away. .

SC finally arrives home around 6 and I recount the days events and again make him go in search of the Iguana Don ( he doesn't look I know it). But this time I have a witness and when I tell him the damn thing is the size of a Komodo dragon...preteen pipes up no mom it is a "commode" dragon.......ughhhhh but at least I have a witness......

IGUANA "DON"

2005-08-08T11:20:00.000-07:00

Sometime last week I noticed a lizard in my laundry/pantry/entrance to my bathroom area. No big deal we have geckos in the house periodically. This was a regualr lizard and kinda big but it scamperd off and I was not too concerned. .....Flash forward to Tuesday... I am home sick. I was heading to my bathroom and what do you suppose I see in the middle of the art room floor??? The BIGGEST lizard this side of captivity I have ever seen. He was HUGE, black and creepy. He took off and ssssslithered under my bookcase. (ick ick ick) I am freaked out now; so I did what every self respecting woman would do....I called SC. (what did you think I did... go after it myself....did you miss the part where I said it was HUGE). Being the loving wonderful man that he is said "what do you want me to do about it?" I said, "come home and get it." he said, 'No" OK so he was in Panama City (80 miles away) but that was not a good enough reason. This thing was HUGE. We are talking Komodo Dragon HUGE, Iguanadon HUGE. I am sure most of you think I am exaggerating......I AM NOT. I was a wreck the rest of the afternoon. I had to creep to the bathroom certain that he was lying in wait.

SC finally arrived home around 6 and I insisted he go and find the iguanadon...he looked (I don't believe him) and could not find him. I hoped he had just left and I would not see him again...(HAHAHAHA). SC is a good guy and tried to make me feel better so he proceeded to tell me a story about this lizard. He said he figured it was an enforcer lizard and he was there to keep the other geckos in line....thus he became known as The Iguana "Don".

I was pondering why the lizards would be in the house in the first place. Then I realized that my art room has stenciled lizards on the wall, I have several colorful lizard sculptures and a collection of lizard pins. ( OK I like them, but only inanimate or outside). They must think this is lizard mecca...GREAT. I was recounting the days tale to my mom and she said not mecca but GEKKA..........great.

MY CHRISTIAN

2005-07-18T10:23:00.000-07:00

COOK (kook), CHRISTIAN EDWARD. prpr n. Born 1992.
1. Maleus preteenus. 2. Bigus brainus 3.Smartus alekus. 4. Clever, inventive, smart, loving, handsome, funny, helpful and talented.

That is the definition of a Christian Cook now a little about the boy that is Christian Cook .

Christian was born in Pensacola, Florida on September 2, 1992 at 11:11 pm. (9/2/92 which = 11:11). Note the late delivery time (my water broke at 3 am), this just gives a preview of things to come. Christian does things on his own schedule. He said his first word at 5 months, walked at 10 months and did not follow any of the charts in the baby books; definitely a unique child.

I knew Christian was “different” (in a good way) by the time he was 14 months old. He already knew his alphabet and could identify cars by manufacturer. He never ceased to amaze people that met him (and me); and so went his toddler years.

Time arrived for Christian to attend kindergarten. Seeing as how his birthday falls on the 2nd of September the powers that be (school board) would not allow him to start school. Undaunted we enrolled him in private school (they were happy to take him). Christian excelled and tested off the charts. His kindergarten teacher pulled me aside one day and said, “she had to be wary of what she said in front of Christian.” I inquired as to why?? She said, “he understands sarcasm” to which I replied “REALLY? hmmmm wonder where he gets that?” Reading and writing came easy to Christian he mastered both by the middle of kindergarten ( he was published in 4th grade). Christian also discovered he had a talent to make people laugh….a smart class clown….we knew our work was cut out for us. From 1st – 5th grade Christian was in advanced curriculum classes at he private school and he shown.

Sixth grade rolled around and the decision was made to move Christian to public school. To be enrolled in advanced curriculum he had to be tested and again Christian shown and was placed in advanced classes. WOW, what a chaotic difference he was not to sure about the change. But, the new opportunities were amazing. Christian joined the band and as I suspected (this is a child that can hear a song once maybe twice and know the lyrics and the melody) he can play by ear, which is not necessarily a good thing (he balks at practicing). He also joined Math Counts and Knowledge Masters.

Now, all this sounds like Christian is just a smart perfect child …well, there is another side….it’s that doing things in his own time thing that often rears its ugly head. Christian hates to do homework, complains about music practice and keeps his room like a...well…um…it is just indescribable. He would rather read than play ball, use the gameboy instead of being outside and aggravate his little brother more than all of the above. We love him anyway.

Christian tends to be a tad goofy and a little on the odd side and he thinks people don’t like him for this, so we let him know that one true friend is better than lots of “sorta” friends. (easy for mom dad to say). I think Christian is a delight and sometimes I just think his humor is above most people’s heads. His quick wit even surprises me. In a room full of adults Christian is at ease (he was an only child for 8 years) but in a room full of peers he is awkward and ill at ease. I know as time adds candles to Christian’s birthday cakes he will find the orchestra where the beat of his own drum will fit the music. Until then we will be here to guide him and love him and ease the hurts he will encounter.

Christian Cook is Christian Cook one of a kind.

TEACH THEM TO BE RESPONSIBLE

2005-07-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

I just re read an article from the Tampa Tribune (March 2005) where police handcuffed a 5 year old girl because she was acting out at school. There are so many things wrong with this picture it hard to know where to begin. How does a 5 year old get so out of control that she has to be arrested? Have these people never heard of disipline? When did adults lose control? I have a 4 year old that can be exuberant but if he is disrespectful, disobeys he is disiplined. He knows that his actions have consequences and yes children even younger can be taught that each action has a consequence. Some pleasant others not. It is a dis-service to our children not to teach them to be responsible for their actions or suffer the consequences. With the "not my fault" syndrome running rampant in this country it is hard....but cowboy up, take the reins away from the kids and teach them right from wrong. In the words of a TV theme song "if you can't do the time don't do the crime" in other words ....you will pay the conseqences for your actions.

2005-04-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

The following is a poem written by my amazing 12 year old son...that's right he is 12...

I am a crazy boy with a clarinet
I wonder when the world will end
I hear them coming
I see the sky falling
I want it not to happen ever
I am a crazy boy with a clarinet

I pretend the world is fine
I feel no hatred or turmoil
I touch life all around
I worry about the planet
I cry because I can
I am crazy boy with a clarinet

I understand the world is full of hatred
I say peace can be achieved
I dream of a hateless planet
I try to help my home
I hope the end will never come
I am a crazy boy with a clarinet

2005-04-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

Check out the May issue of Playboy if you want to see what the average American housewife and mother looks like. Don't believe me see for your self. She is blonde, tall, built, and in perfect shape. Even the ones that have had 4 children. WOW! What must I be doing wrong...I sure don't look like that. Oh wait... I know, I have not had breast implants or liposuction....I can't go to the gym 7 days a week and most of all I don't have a room full of editors air brushing my flaws away.
Do the husbands that "read" this issue think of that....no....they think DAMN why can't my wife look like that??? Amazingly enough there are some of these men that will actually ask their wives "why don't you look like that? " (this coming from a balding overweight middle aged man that does not know what the inside of a gym is) and sadly these men will live to see another day because many of their wives already have low self esteem.
Where are the "real" wives and mothers...the 40 somethings that have added a few pounds and are out of shape...the ones that make sure you have a clean shirt every day, the ones that make sure you have dinner in the evening, the ones that make sure your children taken here and there, the ones that do all this and hold down a full time job??

Playboy is what it is and for the last 60 years it has been a cutting edge magazine. Great acticles (yes, articles) and pictorials. Who doesn't like to look at beautiful women. We all know they are not "real" in the sense that you are going to ever see them walking down the street looking like that (and if you think you will guys..WAKE UP) It is an impossible ideal. This is for the men out there that think there wives should look like these women....GET A GRIP....when you look like Brad Pitt call us back and we might listen.

2005-04-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

Unless you have lived in a cave for the last few years or you are over the age of 65 you are familiar with blogs. They are fun, stupid, thought provoking, boring or amazingly fascinating, they are about the cutting edge news of today or John Q's toenail clippings. So..... you may ask yourself what makes blogmuse any different? Nothing. It will be what I have to say on any given subject. It may never light the world on fire but I promise it will be entertaining. Some days it will be funny, others.... well, probably not. Some days I will rant, others I will state my point quietly. It will be about nothing or everything. Kinda like Seinfeld was for sitcoms. Come visit often, if you like what you read pass it on ...if you don't like what you read pass it on because the next person might. Who knows I might just become your favorite blogger.