Blog Muse

After a fitfull nights sleep (I was sure Iguana Don was in the bedroom) ( I slept with a flashlight just in case I had to get up and go to the bathroom) I get up and get ready for work. At least I won't be home with that THING. .......

Now picture this...I have been at work all day, I pick up the little man and we head home. It is 9000 degrees outside and the air in the Honda does not work. When I arrive home I head for the bedroom and strip down to my unmentionables (I keep bottoms only) and slip into the bathroom to use the facilities and "don" my tshirt. I have just seated myself an what do I see staring at me from the wall above the towel rack??? Can't guess......The *$#%**## Iguana Don. Now my options are limited seeing as how I am mid......well you can guess. My mind begins to race.....who am I willing to let see me in this position in order to get Iguana Don.....anyone.....thats right I don't care who sees me. I first contemplate calling the Niceville police department, but dismiis that idea...no phone and I suppose that is really not their job. Second, I wonder which one of my neighbors is home...I dismiss that idea too. Still frozen in fear and disgust I begin to call for the preteen....I don't want to shout as I fear it will make Iguana Don attack. (No I am not rational, I am on the pot staring at a Komodo dragon) Preteen finally hears me and I tell him to come in slowly and quietly. His first words upon sight of Iguana Don are "Cool, can I keep him?" " *%&$&# no you can't keep him...... " I tell him go call your father...yes I know we have been down this primrose path before.....and yes the answer is pretty much the same. But he did suggest that preteen capture it...... I don't think this is a good idea....preteen has been known to be ummmmm squeamish. Alas what choice do I have. I stand...v e r y s l o w l y, reclaim my unmentionables.... mentally toss a coin stay in small bathroom with a gargantuan lizard or slink past him to safety....I opted for slink.

In the meantime Sir Galahad (the preteen) has a bucket and a lid and plans to do battle with Iguana Don.... (scuffle, scuffle) (crash) small cry of alarm. I gather all my courage (I don't have much) and go into the laundry room (right outside of the bathroom) and ask "did you get him?" .......NO....the "Teflon Don" has again slipped away. .

SC finally arrives home around 6 and I recount the days events and again make him go in search of the Iguana Don ( he doesn't look I know it). But this time I have a witness and when I tell him the damn thing is the size of a Komodo dragon...preteen pipes up no mom it is a "commode" dragon.......ughhhhh but at least I have a witness......

Sometime last week I noticed a lizard in my laundry/pantry/entrance to my bathroom area. No big deal we have geckos in the house periodically. This was a regualr lizard and kinda big but it scamperd off and I was not too concerned. .....Flash forward to Tuesday... I am home sick. I was heading to my bathroom and what do you suppose I see in the middle of the art room floor??? The BIGGEST lizard this side of captivity I have ever seen. He was HUGE, black and creepy. He took off and ssssslithered under my bookcase. (ick ick ick) I am freaked out now; so I did what every self respecting woman would do....I called SC. (what did you think I did... go after it myself....did you miss the part where I said it was HUGE). Being the loving wonderful man that he is said "what do you want me to do about it?" I said, "come home and get it." he said, 'No" OK so he was in Panama City (80 miles away) but that was not a good enough reason. This thing was HUGE. We are talking Komodo Dragon HUGE, Iguanadon HUGE. I am sure most of you think I am exaggerating......I AM NOT. I was a wreck the rest of the afternoon. I had to creep to the bathroom certain that he was lying in wait.

SC finally arrived home around 6 and I insisted he go and find the iguanadon...he looked (I don't believe him) and could not find him. I hoped he had just left and I would not see him again...(HAHAHAHA). SC is a good guy and tried to make me feel better so he proceeded to tell me a story about this lizard. He said he figured it was an enforcer lizard and he was there to keep the other geckos in line....thus he became known as The Iguana "Don".

I was pondering why the lizards would be in the house in the first place. Then I realized that my art room has stenciled lizards on the wall, I have several colorful lizard sculptures and a collection of lizard pins. ( OK I like them, but only inanimate or outside). They must think this is lizard mecca...GREAT. I was recounting the days tale to my mom and she said not mecca but GEKKA..........great.